Comments on Jo Christie-Smith: Today, my feminist utopia will include...

Or Costigan, men could just amend their behaviour,...

2008-10-24T15:29:00.000+01:00

Or Costigan, men could just amend their behaviour, recognising that it is rude and selfish.....or is that just toooooo much to ask :-)

Perhaps there's some subtle design change to seats...

2008-10-24T14:17:00.000+01:00

Perhaps there's some subtle design change to seats and armrests to encourage people not to encroach.

I believe there's evidence that the faster paced and more stressful our lives are, the less likely we are to connect to our fellow human beings, so downsizing might be another answer.

Its not just women who suffer from men who do this...

2008-10-20T12:02:00.000+01:00

Its not just women who suffer from men who do this...

It is really really annoying for other men too, especially those of us who don't feel the need to assert their dominance by displaying their crotch to the world.

Being male I do have an advantage, the sort of person who does this is more likely to be made uncomfortable by my leg up against his. Unfortunately for women doing that would probably just be seen as a come on...

Just to balance things up a bit - could women who feel the need to have a handbag the size of a small village please keep it to themselves.

Other peeves on buses, which are comitted by both sexes (although due to their child related nature they are mostly comitted by women - I'll leave it to you to decide whether that's a reflection on a sexist society, although I do think it is in part so).

Those with small children - sit them on your laps please, rather than giving them a seat (okay, if you have loads of shopping it can be difficult and I'd understand you not doing so, but otherwise its only polite).

And - pushchairs. I'm not sure when they became the landrover of the pavements, but they are now so huge, and take up so much room on the bus. Sometimes, just sometimes could people fold them up? Especially if there's no child in there. Using a push chair for your shopping does not entitle you to take up half the bus with it...

too right! I HATE HATE HATE the arm rest tussle on...

2008-10-16T13:45:00.000+01:00

too right! I HATE HATE HATE the arm rest tussle on the train every morning, and the men who not only hog the whole thing as a matter of right, but extend their arms into your seat as well so if you don'rt want to touch them (and I don't) you have to lean away. I have only once had a woman do this. I cannot honestly begin to count the men who do. And who will literaly push your arm off as well, should you be so uppity as to attempt to use communal property.

And Thomas, you have really missed the point. Your example is especially telling - even this older woman communicated in a non-direct way - of course restrictions on what women are "allowed" to do in our socity are frustrating! That's the point!

And personal space IS NOT imaginary, it's a luxery that many men take for granted and many women don't get.

I'm tempted to leave a comment on this, and no dou...

2008-10-07T18:33:00.000+01:00

I'm tempted to leave a comment on this, and no doubt I'll be slapped down for intruding on some assumed imaginary personal space.

Can I suggest you don't need to refrain from middle-class politeness to be occasionally more assertive?

I appreciate a straight-talking gal, but I also understand that conformist heirarchies value demure and obedient servitude more than uppity recalcitrance. So it may be a bit forward of me to say that your frustration could be tied into your acceptance of imposed values and how these influence your self-esteem.

This is no bad thing in itself and has clearly got you far, but I think it may have become habitual in which case it may also hold you back by internalising external conflicts.

This post reminded me of an occasion I was left shamefaced in similar circumstances when in my teens.

An older lady (picture a Miss Marple figure) sat down opposite me just as I was hoping to spread out on a train. It made me severely uncomfortable to be aware that she would smirk after eying me up in silence every time I did spread my legs and in so doing I became far more self-conscious and considerate.

I suppose I might have been flattered, but I felt violated (well it was the colour of my cheeks!). The lady had got her point across subtly and in a way in which I couldn't answer back (believe me, I would've if I could've).

Looking back with hindsight though, I think I might have enjoyed a conversation with her!

Oh yes.I commend to you the Hothead Paisan cartoon...

2008-10-03T09:18:00.000+01:00

Oh yes.

I commend to you the Hothead Paisan cartoon strip where our heroine tries to sit on a park bench with a man doing this, and in her frustration saws off one of his legs and hands it to him saying something like "Excuse me, I found this over here on my side of the bench, is it yours?"

I haven't been on a bus in ages and I'd forgotten ...

2008-10-03T00:09:00.000+01:00

I haven't been on a bus in ages and I'd forgotten about guys doing that. Grrrr indeed.

Brilliant post.The space on seat thing really bugs...

2008-10-02T22:07:00.000+01:00

Brilliant post.
The space on seat thing really bugs me.

No doubt we have a policy on this...

2008-10-02T14:05:00.000+01:00

No doubt we have a policy on this...